A Squirrel jumps into a bar, lands on one of the empty tables and begins eating the Peanuts out of a bowl. The bartender thinks to himself "I really should close that window to keep the Squirrels out..."

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Actually it couldn't even walk because of all the hormones they injected into it in order to genetically enhance it's size and flavor.

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a duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks for grapes. the bartender says, "no, we don't serve grapes." so the duck leaves. the next day the duck goes back to the bar, takes a seat. "got any grapes?" the bartender says, "i already told you we don't serve grapes here. if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, i'm going to staple your beak to the wall!" the duck leaves. the next day, the duck returns, sits at the bar and asks, "got any staples?" the bartender replies, "no, but there's an Office Max next door where you might find some."

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What happens when you turn back time? You get "emit."

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Why was the thirteen year old raped by an online predator? Because he made very poor choices on giving out his personal information.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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What do you get when you a bunch of women and men with a high sex drive? A group of men and women with a high sex drive.

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Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Brian. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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Q: Why'd the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the other side

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't make for a very good accountant.

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I went to see a fight and all of a sudden a hockey game broke out.

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Look at my new shoes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? there were no more cars in the way

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why was the man itchy? because he had herpies

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A man walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he shouted after he stubbed his toe on a table.

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Your mother is such a whore that she has consensual sex with a lot of people...

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If you live in the 'living' room, what do you do in the others? You die.

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What's the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair

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what did the penguin say to the dodo bird. nothing because dodo birds have bin extinct for thousands of years and it is highly unlikely for a dodo bird to be saying anything to a penguin do to the fact they wouldn't be anywhere near each other and neither species can speak.

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Knock knock. Who's there? You know. You know who? "Call him Voldemort.... Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."

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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? An Irish wedding is the celabration of two people joining in matrimony, and an Irish funeral is a somber rememberence of a deceased person.

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"Ask me if I'm a tree." "Are you a tree?" "No."

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what's harder than dodging bullets? dodging rain

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Did you hear about that show where two crazy guy got on stage and the show had to be canceled. I didnt either.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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