Woah again Nero, you are so wise... I love you, I really do. If someone can and has already changed the world for the better, its you. No wonder people believe you have superhuman abilities, I used to think so too, but I think I understand what humans can do on another level now, you did that, thank you.

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Why did the monkey fall out the tree? Because he was dead.

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What did the thief get for Christmas? Nothing. He was sentenced to the death penalty.

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3 jews are walking into a bar. the first jew orders a shot of vodka, drinks it and says "long live my family!" the second jew orders a shot of whiskey, drinks it and says "long live my friends" the third jew orders water, because he is the one that is driving tonight.

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A girl walks into a bar. She unfortunately meets a man with a drinking problem. The man takes her home, strips her of her virginity and then beats her with a bat until she can no longer breathe. Her name was Laura Pratz.

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What is black and white and red all over? A zebra that has been shot, because poaching is quite common in many African savannas.

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2 ducks walk into a bar. The first orders a drink, drinks it, and drops dead. The other duck said, "Bar tender! What did you put in my friends drink?" The bar tender said, "Poison."

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A black kid, an Asian kid, and a Jewish kid walk into a barrier. They are students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and they walk straight through the barrier onto Platform 9 3/4.

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Yee

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what is not funny? This joke.

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Where does the king keep his armies? In a variety of military barracks and bases situated around his kingdom where they are ready to be deployed for combat or peacekeeping operations.

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Why was the thirteen year old raped by an online predator? Because he made very poor choices on giving out his personal information.

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What do you get when you a bunch of women and men with a high sex drive? A group of men and women with a high sex drive.

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What did the furnace say to the Jew? Nothing, as it is an inanimate object and cannot communicate.

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Will you marry me? No, I'm cake.

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A frog found a smoking cigarette on the road, so he/she takes it, smokes it, and explodes.

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How many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Typically only one, though more may be required under extreme conditions.

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why was the man itchy? because he had herpies

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How do you fit 100 babies in a bucket? put them in a blender. How do you get them out? potato chips.

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I went to buy some camouflage shorst the other day but I couldn't find any.

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acuna

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There was a small boy with a lollipop and a spinning hat. He died of lieukemia.

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whats worse than getting beaten up by a bully? realizing your fly was down the whole time and getting beaten up by a bully

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*Random individual accidentally throws a ball toward another person's head while chilling out with friends* *The ball comes into contact with the victim's cranium- causing him much pain, but not serious detriment.* Q: Are you feeling okay? A: No, I'm dizzy and am currently in very bad shape Response after initial inquiry was articulated: "Uhmmmm...Sorry?" Lesson of significance to be learned from this tragic incident: One's developed, habitual reactions to certain occasions/events of particular interest are virtually always practically impossible to completely override with the means of logic when one is experiencing the relevant occurances him/herself personally. One usually finds it inordanitely difficult to free him/herself from one's regular routines.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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