- Anti Joke

What did one muffin say to the other? I'm baked... just kidding muffins are food and therefore can not speak

What's red and can't find a family? A fire hydrant

A man walks into a convenient store and asks the cashier where the toilet paper is. She says aisle five. He goes down aisle five and there's no toilet paper.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

What's worse than being a midget Being a midget with no legs

What could be happier than a fat guy eating 20 pies? The guy he bought it from!

Roses are red Violets are blue My head itches I'm going to get this guy to itch it for me

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

Q: What do you call a black man running for congress? A: Congressional Candidate

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? One. Though if the ladder is rickety and she needs someone to steady it for her, two.

What's the difference between a jew and pizza? A Jew is human and pizza is food.

What did the lactose intolerant boy say when he accidentally drank some milk? Nothing, he went into anaphylactic shock and couldn't breathe.

What is brown and sticky? A Stick

What do you have Canasta!!! Were not playing canasta you stupid asshole

what did the bot get for his birthday? .. men!

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No Oh... well he hasn't either

Yo mama so fat that when she jumped into a pool she displaced more water than someone who was of a normal weight

Why did the chicken cross the road? To try to go to heaven because his girlfriend Margaret was cooked into chicken sandwhiches, and he had no kids and he didn't want to marry someone else, so he tried to get ran over but no cars hit him so he cooked himself. AND so he became KFC-Style chicken wings. BUUUT since no one ate them, he grabbed them up from heaven and commented on how delicious he was and proceeded to eat more and then exploded, sending him to heaven's heaven. But it was just a dream. And Margaret had to do laundry some more today because he freaking caused a urine tsunami. You're welcome.

What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

Do't you just hate when a sentence doesn't end how you think it will and it just octopus.

Bitch your as two-faced as Doduo

mat (telling anti joke): so you are stranded in a desert, right and kyle: no. Mat: no man i'm Kyle: no (kyle was later found dead)

So there's this one Cheerio who really likes this frosted Cheerio. He walks up to her one day and asks her out. She responded, "no I only date frosted Cheerios." The Cheerio then went and got a tutor, he became very, very smart and turned into a multi-grain Cheerio. He goes up to the frosted Cheerio and asks her out. "no, you're still not a frosted Cheerio." he gets a gym membership and works really, really hard and becomes and apple cinnamon Cheerio. He asks her out again, "no you're still not a frosted Cheerio." so he goes to church too and becomes a honey nut Cheerio. "no you're still not a frosted Cheerio." he focuses and tries even harder than ever before and finally becomes a frosted Cheerio. He asks her out, "will you be my girlfriend? I heard about this party this weekend we can go to." she answers, "I'll be your girlfriend, let's go to that party." So, they go to this party. The boy asks. "do you want anything to drink?" the girl says "sure maybe some wine." the boy en goes to the wine store. There's a super long line and he waits and waits but goes back to the party. He tells her and asks her if she wants anything else. "some soda maybe." he goes to the soda shop and there's another long line and he waits until he can't take it and goes back again. He tells h and asks her if she wants anything else. "some punch please." He goes to the punch store, and there's no punch line.

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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