Knock knock. Who's there? You know. You know who? "Call him Voldemort.... Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."

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a: How can you tell you are not pregnant? b: I don’t know. a: Like this: I’m not pregnant.

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Woah again Nero, you are so wise... I love you, I really do. If someone can and has already changed the world for the better, its you. No wonder people believe you have superhuman abilities, I used to think so too, but I think I understand what humans can do on another level now, you did that, thank you.

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What did the thief get for Christmas? Nothing. He was sentenced to the death penalty.

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One aardvark says to the other aardvark, "Hi." The other aardvark says, "Ahh! A talking aarkvard."

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"Ask me if I'm a tree." "Are you a tree?" "No."

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Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says "MOOOOO!". The other makes an unremarkably similar noise.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse replies "I have cancer"

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Why was the boy sad? Because he met Larry.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have to go to the bathroom...

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. The single celled amoeba. As billions of years passed, the simple amoeba began to form limbs which it utilized to crawl its way out of the ocean onto dry land. Millions of years would pass before the simplified organism began to develop into a fully functional chicken.

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Did you hear about that show where two crazy guy got on stage and the show had to be canceled. I didnt either.

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Roses are gray, violets are gray, everything's gray, bitch im a dog.

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What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

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Why was the thirteen year old raped by an online predator? Because he made very poor choices on giving out his personal information.

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How many Facebook friends does George Bush have? None because he doesn't have a Facebook.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Amblyopsidae, or blindfish, commonly found in caves where they are well adapted to life in the dark.

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What do stuffed animals and living animals have in common? There both living except the stuffed animal.

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman... They all died in a horrible train wreck.

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It was the eve of December and a man was using a blanket why? because it was cold and he wanted to be able to function properly at work so his boss would not get mad at him because he respected his boss and wanted to make him happy

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what did the Spanish priest say to the Ukranian gynocologist? *fart*

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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There was a small boy with a lollipop and a spinning hat. He died of lieukemia.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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