What did the girl get for her birthday? Nothing...cause she died

thumb_up thumb_down -126

How do you make a plumber cry Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down -162

What did the peach say to the apple? Nothing. Peaches can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

A nun, a jew, and a KKK member are all stuck together in a lifeboat. A large wave overturns the boat and they all drown.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Gale swallows.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

So an asian man gets into a car... and drives home on the highway driving at the approximate speed of the designated speed limit while exhibiting safe driving maneuvers. He arrives home to his wife and kids and sits down for a nice dinner while having a engaging conversation about the political future of the United States and his favorite football team.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A man walks into a bar... But, it's not funny because he's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

womens sports...

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why do Mexicans like to eat burritos? They are delicious.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why don't Polish girls swim in the sea? The only sea that Poland borders on is the Baltic. Throughout most of the year this sea is too cold to comfortably swim in.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the thief get for Christmas? Nothing. He was sentenced to the death penalty.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

"Ask me if I'm a tree." "Are you a tree?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A Priest, a Rabbi, and Santa Claus are on a plane. This is impossible because Santa Claus does not exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered sexual offender.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

3 aliens landed on earth. They all wanted to learn english. The first alien went to an opera class and learned "mi mi mi mi mi." The second alien went to a military camp and learned "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The third alien went to a candy shop and learned "he stole my lollipop!" After all of that, they went to their spaceship and saw a dead man and a cop that said, "which one of you three killed this man?" The first alien said "mi mi mi mi mi." The cop said "what did you kill him with?" The second alien said "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The cop then said "why did you kill him?" The third alien said "he stole my lollipop!"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Your mama is so fat she is morbid obese.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's funner than a barrel of monkeys ? Not the Holocaust .

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you get when you cross a rhino and an elephant? Two angry pachyderms.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you have sex with the blue waffle? stick your penis inside

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats the difference between a new ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a new ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the cockroach cross the road? Why do you ask?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

QUESTION: Why do black people do so poorly in school? ANSWER: Some statistics point to genetic disparities in intelligence between races, but others say it is due to more complicated social factors.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

roses are red violets are blue the stems are green they smell good

thumb_up thumb_down +11

person 1 - what's big, green and ugly? person 2 - don't know. what's big, green and ugly? person 1 - nothing is

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops