There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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What are corpses favorite form of entertainment? nothing, there dead.

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What do you call a donkey walking backwards a confused donkey

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why were the little boy's clothes all wet? because they found his body in the bottom of a river.

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Why did Charlie fall? He got shot 24 times in the chest.

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Why didn't Helen Keller have headphones? Because they weren't invented

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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a gun and he'll build you a refrigerator.

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girl says..joe..................................................................... boy says...who is joe................. girl..the idiot of a helper at my skl

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Knock knock. Who's there? Awkward silence Awkward silence who? ...

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How do you fit 1,000 Jews in a Volkswagen? Trick question, you can't.

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What do you call a group of homosexuals placing an order at McDonalds? Gay

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Q:: when artificial intelligence takes over the planet, what will become of anti-joke.com? A:: idk, but my cousin's girlfriend and I will get naked together and she will get on top of me and tell me I'm awesome and that my d*ck feels really good inside her. you see by the time AI takes over, the means to create virtual reality experiences will be greatly enhanced.

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your mama is so stupid i believe she will have a difficult time finding employment in these rough economic times

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equality for women

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Why did the girl say 'baa'? Because she was a lamb.

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What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the world series? No Cubs!

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Why did the deaf man go to the concert? He had recently acquired a brand new hearing aid which meant that he was able to hear much better and decided that he wanted to listen to some music.

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Did you hear about that show where two crazy guy got on stage and the show had to be canceled. I didnt either.

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What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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How did Hitler make the world a better place? He died.

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Why are leprechauns so happy? The grass tickles their balls

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a duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks for grapes. the bartender says, "no, we don't serve grapes." so the duck leaves. the next day the duck goes back to the bar, takes a seat. "got any grapes?" the bartender says, "i already told you we don't serve grapes here. if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, i'm going to staple your beak to the wall!" the duck leaves. the next day, the duck returns, sits at the bar and asks, "got any staples?" the bartender replies, "no, but there's an Office Max next door where you might find some."

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What's the worst part about male roller blading? AIDS.

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Pickup Line: Hay girl is that a mirror in your pants. Becuase I can see me in it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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