how do you stop a baby crying hit it with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

What did the peach say to the apple? Nothing. Peaches can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Why Did the baby cross the street? He was stapled to the chicken's back

thumb_up thumb_down +39

"Ask me if I'm a tree." "Are you a tree?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Inquiry: After the specially hired detective in shades of black had managed to finish his secret investigation of the crime scene, what significant affair did he demand and expect to subsequently occur next in the logical chain of events? Answer: A specific transaction of money. To elaborate, immediate providance of previously allotted recompense in the particular configuration of myriad pristine wads of cash.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Two cannibals are eating around a fire in the jungle, and one turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?" Oh yeah, and they're eating a clown.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's the difference between a turtle and a bird? They both fly. Except the turtle.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he shouted after he stubbed his toe on a table.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

you say "ask me if im a tree" he says "r u a tree?" you say"no..." then just stare at them

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why were the little boy's clothes all wet? because they found his body in the bottom of a river.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what did the mexican firefighter name his two sons. Ryan and Mike.......

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A Horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'What with the long face?' and the horse replys 'i'm a f*cking horse.'

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Roses are Red. Violets are Blue. Grandma's dead. call the paramedics.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

whats the hardest part of roller skating. Telling your dad that you are gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What's purple and has four legs? I don't know. What? I DONT KNOW EITHER THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: Banana! B: Not you again..(slams door)

thumb_up thumb_down -95

What do you call a black man and woman with a little white girl? A Family.

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I like to sniff your hair when you are asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They brutally whipped and tortured her.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Why'd the cat have one eye? It got kicked by a goat.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Why did the chicken walk into Mordor? It didn't. One does not simply walk into Mordor.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops