"MR PLATT!!!!!!" "Yeah?" "Telephone for you sir." "Oh, cheers Tony."

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You had 10 bricks on an airplane, you throw one. How many do you now have? 9. How do you get the elephant in the fridge? Open the fridge put the elephant in. How do you get the giraffe in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in. There was an animal meeting, all animals were invited. Which animal was missing? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge. An old woman wants to cross a river that was full of crocodiles. How does she cross without getting eaten? The crocodiles were at the animal meeting, so she got across safely. She dies anyways. What happened? She was hit by the brick.

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What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

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What is the best way to eat a dead baby? I don't know. That is incredibly disgusting.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite

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A boy writes an anti-joke. It is not funny. He sees his friends teasing him about the jokes stupidity. He promptly pokes his eyes out with a dull broom stick. He can still hear his friends mocking him. He cuts his ears off with an industrial meat slicer. He wakes up the next morning and doesnt give a crap about the prior days events. Mainly because he can no longer see or hear.

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koj yog ib tug tsoob qaib eater, uas nyiam mus rau Peer li qub poj niam qhov chaw mos raws li ib tug nyiam ua! (Google Translate may help)

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Wife, "Wake up... i think there's someone in the house, do something... go downstairs and have a look!" Husband, "Do it yourself." Wife, "You what? You can't expect a woman to fight off an intruder..." Husband, "You women wanted equal rights so here you go, do it yourself."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Cats meow Dogs have four legs

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How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? You don't, the giraffe is a savanah animals and there is no physical way for a giraffe to fit in a refridgerator.

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What is worse than stepping on Lego bare foot? Mass genocide.

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What's red and fun to drink through a bendy straw? Period blood

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Why are black people not allowed to play football? They are.

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Where did the duck hide its pail? UNDER THE STAIRS!!

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A blonde walks out of a hair salon She had just dyed her hair.

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Why did the man cut his hair? Cause he has cancer

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How do you kill Lady Gaga? There is no point in trying, she is too heavily guarded.

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Why did the ground beef taste funny? Because little Timmy fell in the grinder.

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The kid was riding a honda xr70r. He got hit by a non moving object and died.

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Did you hear about the new brand of shovel? Yeah, it's pretty groundbreaking.

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What did the blind and deaf kid get for christmas? Cancer.

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I told a joke to my friends. They laughed.

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A Penguin Waddles into Abercrombie and Fitch.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops