Why'd the cat have one eye? It got kicked by a goat.

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Q: What did the mime say to the crowd gathered at the crime scene? A:

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The meme walks out of the bar.

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Why do Jewish people like money so much? Because they can exchange it for goods and services

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Q: What do a dildo salesman and a car salesman have in common? A: They are both salesman

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Sarah Palin

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing set? She had no arms.

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John had 32 candy bars. He ate 28 of them. What does John have now? daibetes, john has diabetes.

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Why does Jonny have a phobia birds? Because he has one glued to his face.

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and think it's original because I changed one word*

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What do the Holocaust and baseball have in common? They are sports, except the Holocaust.

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Q: What is a African man with funny clothing and children straddling onto his back for dear life/ screaming in fear who only a few minutes ago before a particular incident made several young children cry and being chased by an authority figure? A: An intentionally inane circus performer partcipating in a scintillating rendition alongside his two children of who inadvertently frightened a small group of youth before he immediately decided to proceed by, during one of his extremely long, albeit few breaks, taking the members of his family on an interesting excursion to the nearby amusement park for occassional thrills. On the initial journey there, the black man, out of haste, accidentally dropped one of his children's most valuable toys of which elicited undeniably obnoxious bouts of sadness to come bursting out of his children's respective chests and an increased rate-of-travel for his wife of who accopanied him on his adventure and desired to assist him in his panic. In the spin of events, the man experienced an instance of hyper-activedness and spun out of control for a minute before eventually cooling down. Hence the screaming.

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The night is always darkest just before the dawn. Just kidding I'm Helen Keller, everything's always dark.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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On a scale of one to 10, F*ck yourself.

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How do wake up Lady Gaga You Poker her face

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how do you make a joke act like yourself

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You walk in to your room. 7 chickens on your bed.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, why am i even talking to you?

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Your momma's so ugly she adopted you because she had a problem attracting men.

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Why did the boy cry? Because he was mercilessly beaten by his mother.

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What made parashoot paint's so uncool? MC Hammer.

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A barrel of monkeys is only a barrel of laughs if they're alive and telling jokes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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