What cheese is not yours? The one that you didn't buy.

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Q:Ask me my name. A:What is your name? A:Hey why do you need to know that?

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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What's black and blue and red all over? A person who was just in a fight.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

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why does king kong so fat? because he eats to much

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whats white and smells like black paint? nothing, white paint even though it is still paint has a slightly different smell due to the difference in dye colors used to make it

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Your momma's so ugly she adopted you because she had a problem attracting men.

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Why did the chiken cross the road. Anwer: because it was being chased by a crazy horny/ kinky redneck.

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56

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26.5% of Americans are obese.

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Why was little timmy's arm crooked His mom tried to pull his arm off.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a trash can? 12- 18 (depending on size) I know this because i use to work at a abortion clinic

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What did the girl with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Repeatedly raped by her alcoholic, child molesting father.

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what did the girl trapped in the fire say? help

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What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot

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Jon has 40 chololate bars, he eats 32, what does he have now? Diabetes.

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A man walked into a bar, he then fell to the ground screaming in pain.

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roses are grey, violets are grey, i'm colourblind and shit at poetry

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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What's black and not working? An old, broken piano.

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Wanna hear a joke? Good, go ask a comedian.

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what is not funny? This joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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