What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming? Drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When life throws you lemons, duck because they freakin' hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

my bubbles!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?. I dont know either it was dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why shouldnt you throw rocks at a black kid on a bike? Because the kid wasn't riding in your way, you could get arrested for assault and battery, and he probably lives in a low income area and cant afford health insurance if he was injured.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

56

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Two gay guys walked in to a bar. It's unfair of me to make the assumption that they're gay, they just be really good friends whom aren't opposed to touching each other.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

a man cries out to god.... and god does't reply.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

So a baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Your momma's so ugly that she was worried that she would never marry anyone.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

So a Jewish man walks into a bar, You think Jesus being all knowing would have realized it was there.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Which came first the egg or the chicken? The chicken because eggs can't cross the road

thumb_up thumb_down -77

What did the Catholic preist say to the altar boy? You've been a good altar boy.

thumb_up thumb_down -117

What happened to the boy who fell off the swing? He got hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

That moment when you and your friends throw snowballs at cars in the dark on the highway and the cops spotlight your area while you hide in a shed...

thumb_up thumb_down +154

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if I had sex with your mother?

thumb_up thumb_down +152

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One

thumb_up thumb_down +108

if a white guy, a black guy and a hispanic guy jump off a 10 story building, who hits the ground first? the man who jumped first. racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Your mom is so...wonderful.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

What kind of cookies does a pedophile order from the girl scouts? Samoas...pedophiles love coconut.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Chuck Norris was walking down the street when he was confronted by an armed, very desperate street robber. Chuck unfortunately made the decision to defend himself, and was shot in the gut before he could complete a roundhouse kick. The robber then took his wallet and ran off, undoubtedly to buy drugs.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops