how do you make a joke act like yourself

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What do you call a donkey walking backwards a confused donkey

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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What made parashoot paint's so uncool? MC Hammer.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 4 beers. The bartender replies, "One at a time, mate, will that work for you?" To which the man replies, "No", leaves, and drives his 1994 Toyota Corolla off of the road into the pit of a volcano.

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What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

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Knock knock Who's there? That that that. What makes you say that?

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Q:What's the difference between a pinata and a baby? A: One I hang from a tree and beat to death and the other one is a pinata..

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What did the duck say to the man? Nothing. Ducks cannot talk.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? He said, "Where's my tractor?"

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Q: why did the boy cross the road A: because he was being chased by a pedophile

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Jon has 40 chololate bars, he eats 32, what does he have now? Diabetes.

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Whats red and cant fly a plane. An apple.

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Q: what is more sad than being alone A: being alone with lots of cats

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How did the square become a circle? Due to the period of recession in our nation, it was found necessary to cut corners.

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Did you see the picture of Helen Keller's father? No. Lemme Google it. Oh cool; he had a beard.

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A man and his family walk into a talent agent's office. The man proceeds to sexually accost his wife and children. The agent calls security who escort the family out and helps the wife find a domestic violence shelter to stay at.

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Your d*ck is short, If we compare it to mine. That was it, Thank you for your time.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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how many indians does it take to screw in a light bulb? one if it can reach 2 if it's high.One to screw in the bulb the other to hold the ladder.

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What's the difference between me and a dead baby? I'm not dead, or a baby. I am well into my teens and very healthy.

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Two blondes are walking down the street. One breaks her left high heel and the other is called Monica.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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