- Anti Joke

Q:What happens when you choke a smurf? A: Nothing because smurfs dont exist

I was bitter, nonetheleast because you and I became friends, while someone working for you (at that time it might just as well had been you) was conducting a lot of illegal activities. I kept thinking, why does the guy call himself "the wizard", its the most used name... Why? Because it is the most used name, good luck finding "THE WIZARD" among internet nerds, but then again, if you search for the most famous one, you find "THE MAN", Not only did you tell me at first that you where Nero. Which I can prove you are not, but you know, one side of me was your friend, the other knew I would have to get rid of you no matter the cost, if you kept your activities. SImply put: When I enjoyed our time together, I pushed you away with stupid humor, small insults and etc, mostly in order to protect myself from getting to close with a potential threat for well, security, lets keep it at that.

What's worse than accidentally flooding your bathroom? A Tsunami

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

go F*** yourself

Why isnt there a womens NASCAR? Because NASCAR does not yet have the funding to start a women's league.

Why did the boy fall of the swing? Because he had no arms!

Why is The stop sign bent? Because a ambulance full of sick kids hit it.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why not?

What's sad about an elderly couple who has had a long, fruitful marriage? Nothing.

Why did billy have a frog stapled to his face? Because he was having a bad day.

dark humor is like food... not everyone gets it

why did the jew cross the road? He didnt. He got stuck in the wire fence.

What's green, has four legs, and falls out of a tree? A pool table in a tree

If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests Testicals

The dewey decimal system

What do you get when you cross an African, a white person, an Asian and a Spaniard? Society's worst nightmare

What did the serial killer do when his check bounced? He promptly deposited more money into his account.

Barney is a dinosaur We see on medication! And when we are high on drugs He's a hallucination!

Q: Why do black people like fried chicken? A: Because it tastes delicious!

A man approaches an attractive young woman at a party. He asks her if a rag smells like chloroform and proceeds to hold the rag up to her face. She passes out, the man takes her into a nearby bedroom and rapes her. He casually leaves the party. He will most likely continue this vile act for years to come.

How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just compliment it then get mad when it won't screw.

A car walked into a bar... wait no it didn't it has wheels.

What goes in long and hard and comes out wet and sticky? A penis after orgasmic intercourse.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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