An Irishman walks into a bar. He gets extremely drunk and gets hit by a train.

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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What black and blue and red all over? My mom after my dad comes back from the bar.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? A n a l

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A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

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Why did the aeroplane engine fallon the house? Because of Donnie Darko

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What's the most stupid thing you have ever heard? Woman's Studies.

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What did the prisoner receive on his 44th birthday? Well obviously all mail in prisons is checked, but nothing dangerous was found. He received a book on different types of steam engines (he is a railway fan), some chocolate (galaxy caramel, which is his favourite), a crossword challenge book (he gets bored in his cell) and the anti joke book.

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What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

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Religion

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what do you call skiediving? a very fun but moderatly dangerouse sport that many people have fun doing from the ages of 19 to 31

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Three nuns walk into a bar. They realize they are in a place they don't want to be, so they leave, casting furtive glances around, fearing that someone from their congregation will see them and think they went in to drink.

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America Votes

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What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

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What happened when a boy threw a ball at the wall? It hit him in the face

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What's brown and sticky? a stick.

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Why didn't little jimmy get anything for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a terrorist.

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My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

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A man walked in a bar had 4 drinks and walked home because drunk driving is dangerous

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How could they tell Michael Jackson was dead? He showed no vital signs.

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Why can't Jay cut his hair? Because he has AIDS

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Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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