Why didn't little jimmy get anything for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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What black and blue and red all over? My mom after my dad comes back from the bar.

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Edward and Bella looked at each other. Then they both died. Oh, and Jacob is actually a transvestite.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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Why did the chiken cross the road. Anwer: because it was being chased by a crazy horny/ kinky redneck.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 4 beers. The bartender replies, "One at a time, mate, will that work for you?" To which the man replies, "No", leaves, and drives his 1994 Toyota Corolla off of the road into the pit of a volcano.

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"What's 'green', 'blue', and 'red' all over?" My color-blind friend said in confusion.

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A Woman out of the kitchen

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I love my valentine <3 Hes mine no matter what anyone says <3 Cause i love him with all my heart <3

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What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink? What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink?

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Ask me how old my cat is. How old's your cat? I don't know.

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why did the blond stare at a carton of orange juice for 2 hours? because she was reading the nutrition list, and she is a slow and patient reader.

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Knock Know Who's there Interrupting ghost Interu--BOO!!! Ha HA!

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What's brown and sticky? a stick.

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you know what they say... hydrate or die

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What did the deaf Jewish Rabbi say to the Italian Priest. What?

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what did the hobo do when he saw timmy get hit by the bus and drop his ice cream? stole the ice cream and laughed

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What's the most stupid thing you have ever heard? Woman's Studies.

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I just lost the game where if you think about the game then you lose the game. so did you.

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Why do black people eat watermelon? It is a good source of vitamin C.

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Knock Knock. No one answered, as the person of residence was not home.

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What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

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What did the doctor say to the Lawyer? I get paid more

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Kid 1: "Want a Hurts Doughnut?" Kid 2: "Umm... sure." Kid 1 opens up a box of freshly baked Hurts doughnut from Hurts Bakery and gives one to kid 2

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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