What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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Why did the girls head explode while eating supper? There was a grenade in her food.

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There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

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What happened to the boy who fell off the swing? He got hurt.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first koala. Why did the man fall of his bike? He was struck with a falling koala. Why did the fish fall of its bike? Because it's a fish. What is fuzzy and might kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

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why did the blond stare at a carton of orange juice for 2 hours? because she was reading the nutrition list, and she is a slow and patient reader.

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your mama is so stupid i believe she will have a difficult time finding employment in these rough economic times

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poop.

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Knock Knock. Martha, get the door I'm watching the game!

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What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a terrorist -lschles

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what did the hobo do when he saw timmy get hit by the bus and drop his ice cream? stole the ice cream and laughed

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A man walked in a bar had 4 drinks and walked home because drunk driving is dangerous

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Snapple fact #572: You're a terrible person.

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What black and blue and red all over? My mom after my dad comes back from the bar.

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How do wake up Lady Gaga You Poker her face

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What runs faster than a nigger with a stolen tv? His brother with the remote

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Two blondes are walking down the street. One breaks her left high heel and the other is called Monica.

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Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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What is colourful and explodes in the air. I don't know but it sounds cool!

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What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink? What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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