A priest and a police officer are sitting at a bar. They both have considerable drinking problems because problems unrelated to their respective occupations. The bartender's name is Mike.

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How long does it take for a dead baby to explode in the microwave? I don't know; I was too busy masturbating.

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Why didn't the ghost go to the dance? He didn't exist.

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Why can't Tom Maynard play cricket anymore Because he's dead

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What do you call a magic owl? HOODINI only some will get it...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? On a fundamental level, it was pursuing evolutionary instincts, perhaps a half-bored interest in food.

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Why did the doctor commit suicide? His wife was recently killed in a car accident and simply could not take the emotional pain!

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Whats a dogs favorite thing to eat? Food.

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Papa Smurf: Why did the chicken cross the road? Grouchy Smurf: I hate chickens!

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What did the three blind mice say to the priest? I'm blind :(

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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What did the father give to his son with terminal cancer for his 5th birthday? Nothing the kids going to die anyway

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What's green and fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls from a tree it'll kill you? A pool table.

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If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Quite obviously, still quizzical, being that tests are just longer, harder quizzes.

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You think I'm pretty without any makeup boy..... Let's bang.

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How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? As they can't find any, they are just squirrels, they can not asist little timmy choking on the lightbulb rolling around on the floor.

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why couldnt the guy move his legs cuz he was paralyzed

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What do animals eat at the beach? Sandwitches

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Son: Mommy, Mommy can i have a cookie! Mom:Sure Honey there on the top shelf Son:But mommy i have no arms Mom:No arms, No cookies

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Why did Elliot Spitzer cross the road? To go have sex with a hooker.

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What do you get when you cross a Pigeon with a Mailbox? A Carrier Pigeon, they are extinct now.

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Why did Ant Man die? He was shot by a gangster, duh.

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what did the slave say to the slave owner i like your car

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What did the homosexual give in his secret box? important papers from work.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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