Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock-knock? Who's there? I... I dunno I was planning on thinking of a joke before you said who's there, but I ran out of time.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A Man thought it was a good day and to go on anti-joke.com then he saw a post that had a link. This man was you and the link was http://minedgamez.tk/beta/ The man then clicked the link and fucking laughed so hard xD. She died in a car crash. Then a pickle appeared. It was then eaten by you not realizing it was actually a hamster.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why was 6 afraid of 7? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why does Timmy Teblow love penis? Logan Cole made him do it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the man order a mail order Asian bride? Because he was caucasian which meant females of his race had unrealistically high expectations of a partner due to various materialistic overtones that are constantly portrayed in their medie creating a society of over entitled women who think they are owed the earth.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between 9/11 and Jenga? Jenga games regularly don't kill around 3000 people.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's black and blue, and read all over? The Merriam-Webster dictionary.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock Knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who Doctor Octagonapus! BLAAAUUUUGGGHHHH

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Crowded elevator smell different to midget-Confucius say.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's brown and sticky? A stick. But if you answered poop you aren't wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between a Rabbi and a Priest? One's a Jew, one's a Christian

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? because it got shot before it could get there.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Ask me if I like pie. Do you like pie? OF COURSE!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

why did the man buy kool aid? because it was on sale and he was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Philosoraptor, turds IM A SPAMBOTz B=Not really, just blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

World's 2 Biggest Lies 1. I have read and agree to the Terms of Service 2. That was my last piece of gum

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two friends were running late for their school gathering. As they arrived the train station, one friend said 'Quick, we need to catch the train!' The other replied, 'Can't we just get in it?'

thumb_up thumb_down -5

you need 2 pple for this. Ask me if im a tree? Are you a tree? no

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call your mum without an umbrella? Saturated Fat

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's brown and sticky? Anal

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Roses are red violets are blue..... I have normal vision

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops