The past the present and the future walk into a bar it made no logical sense that three things that will always contradict each other exist with each other and can walk into a bar without limbs or being alive it wasn't tense it was tree

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Who like vibrating dildos? Cammy

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Why should you never eat a jellyfish on a Wednesday? Because it will sting you with its poison.

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Why did the joke feel paranoid? Because everyone kept laughing at him.

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Why did George smoke weed? Because he was depressed after his wife died and couldn't get over the fact that he would be lonely forevermore.

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roses are red violets are blue my dick hurts blue waffles

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What's white, wet, and sticky? A tissue that I just blew my nose with.

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How are humans like slinkies? - They are not good for very much and bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

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What's worse than public speaking? Public masterbation. *Spelled it wrong purposly to bypass the filter*

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What crime does a tree commit in order to be sent to prison? Trees on.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it did not realize it was a man-made distinction for constructed transportation vehicles and had a coincidental tendency to walk toward the area on the other side to find food or avoid birds flying over.

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what's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? a Jew is a person and a pizza is a food

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What do potatoes wear to bed? Potatoes don't sleep and don't wear clothes.

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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Q: What do you call a dog driving a car? A: A dog driving a car.

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Bitch! Love, J.B.

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What happened to the boy that got hit by a bus? He was by a 2nd bus, by which he felt no pain because the first bus crushed his lungs and skull causing suffocation and profuse hemorraging.

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How does he keep getting girls to sleep with him? Bear-traps..

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NO IT IS MINE! ALL MINE!

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Why did the purse kill a circus yeast? Secks

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Does that doctor take insurance? No, the receptionist takes the insurance, the doctor takes your blood... Well actually, the nurse does that.

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What did the girl say to the other girl? Nothing. She got hit in the head with a pineapple

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Why is a cookie like a jellyfish? Because it has no bones. (Contributed by my 4-year old boy)

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What has eyes but cannot see? A blind man.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops