what is the difference between a car salesman and a lawyer? a car salesman sells cars to people while a lawyer is an expert in law.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what brown, red, and green and smells like poop. diareeha

thumb_up thumb_down -27

why did billy fall on the sidewalk? he got stabbed

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Roses are red Violets are blue I can't rhyme Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q: If a Hungarian boy grows up to be a very successful payroll manager and learns to love and hate, show compassion while firing someone, and how to re-image the entire white house's security system, how many pickles are in the doghouse? A: 17

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q: whats worse than finding a worm in your apple A: the holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by Shrek

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did a little kid have a long face Because his face was stretched out by a truck wheel

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q: What did Michael Jackson do while he was preparing for his newest world tour? A: He died.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

If a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear it? no, but it was home to several endangered species that are now extinct

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What happened when the football player couldn't get his Coke from the vending machine? He got angry.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How do you get girls to watch a crappy movie? Tell them Taylor Lautner is in it.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did the starving kid say to the starving parent? Pineapple

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A nhiger walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand. "do you have any lemonade" the man said "no. we don't serve nhigers lemonade. but you can drink your own piss boy, thats home made.." the nhiger waddled away (waddle waddle) till the very next day. The nhiger walked up to the lemonade stand with a lawsuit file right in his hand and said "you are legally required to serve me lemonade" the man said "fu(k you nhiger go back to where you came go back to Africa it's full of aids" the nhiger said "goodbye".... i'm too lazy too finish this off so i'll spoil the ending, the nhiger was actually a smelly pakistanian, which was actually a dirty chi-nk in costume. let's just say lawsuits were filed but the lemonade stand owner had casey anthony's lawyer and in the end never had to serve fu-cking nhiger ,smelly pakies or dirty chin-ks again :) The End. Happily Ever After.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

penis likes vagina cuz its straight (get it?? it has an erection!!!!!!)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Ill admit it Nero, although you act like a savage you make a fine statement there, maybe we will ask her to join one time huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

thumb_up thumb_down -31

what does a baby with no lims get for christmas...cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Roses are multicoloured Violets are multicoloured Mushrooms are great

thumb_up thumb_down -31

How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One. A person's ethnicity or country of origin, or religion for that matter, would have no bearing on one's ability to perform the relatively simple task of installing a light-bulb. Furthermore, there is no reason to use the negative slur 'polack' when referring to a person of Polish descent.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

You are in an airplane, and you have 500 bricks. You throw one out the door. How many do you have? 499. What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a fridge? 1-open the door,2-put the elephant in,3-close the door. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and shut the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals… which one didn't go? The giraffe, it's in the fridge. An old lady is trying to cross an alligator infested river. She makes it over. How? The alligators are at the party. She dies anyway. How? She gets hit by the brick you threw out of the window.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops