- Anti Joke

What's hard when you eat a vegetable? The wheelchair.

Why was the washing machine laughing? Because you're on drugs.

Why did the chicken go down the road? He was in a KFC truck and was headed to his death...

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

How do you know if a girl is special? If she hates justin bieber, Twilight, and is open to threeways.

How did Jimmy get into the R movie? He bought a ticket.

there once was a black man who played basketball

What does a man and an orange have in common? Nothing.

Robin get in the Batmobile.

There are two fish in a tank. They both die, tanks are used for warfare.

What do you call a needy person? A person whos needs need needs.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up here me shout: Absolutely nothing because I'm a teapot you maniacal psychopath.

why was 6 afraid of 7? because if you subtract 6 from 7 only one would survive.

You know whats funnier than 24? What? 25.

Jimmy: Daddy how are babies made? Dad: If i knew how you wouldn't be here...

What did the guy say when he dropped his baby? "oh no!"

Your mother is so morbidly obese that if she sat on me, she would crush my skull and kill me.

Why did the Egg turn Purple Because it didnt turn blue.

what did the Alaskan homeless man get for Christmas? Death

Women's professional sports

You are pretty bad emulations, first of all you should all swear and cuss a lot, that way you never get green thumbs and you all get minimal attention (negative attention) from people whose messages do not concern. I mean come on, if you are all different, you gotta admit that you are all good at typing like the very same person, its just that, none of them are good at sounding as the guy they are trying to emulate.

Your momma so stupid, she dropped out of school at a young age of 12.

Q: What's multicoloured and spins around while screaming in agony? A: A clown in a washing machine.

Why was the black man in school detention? For sleeping in and showing up late accidently

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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