How many Legos can you stick up your nose? I'm sure its very painful and considered stupid so don't try it.

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A man goes to the movies with his wife, two hours later they drive home and find their house just the way they left it.

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Q.What did the anti-joke reader say to the doctor? A-My finger is stuck on the dislike button.

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What did the orphan get for his birthday? Shit on.

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YO MAMMA SO SKINNY SHE HULA-HOOP THIER A CHEERIO

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Why can't Stephen Hawking run a marathon? Because it takes years of hard training to accomplish such a remarkable feat.

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How do you spot a paedophile in a playground? You don't, there are usually a lot of adults around.

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Women's Rights.

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what is brown and wet? Muddy water

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What's the difference between oreos and your opinion? I asked for your opinion.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Elephant. Elephant who? Seatbelt.

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What happened when the football player couldn't get his Coke from the vending machine? He got angry.

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homosexual rights to marriage

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Why couldn't the fan turn on? Because it was broken.

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what did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? cancer

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Miss Hoolie: Hello, PC Plum. What's the story in Balamory? PC Plum: I'm arresting you for the sexual molestation of twenty children.

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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Ill admit it Nero, although you act like a savage you make a fine statement there, maybe we will ask her to join one time huh?

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I have a joke that involves a duck. Can you guess what it is? If not, then.......uh...........sorry.

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Why did Jimmy fall out of the tree. Cause' I shot him.

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"We wear pink on Wednesdays"" -Mean Girls, 2004

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How do you get 500 babies into one bathtub? a blender. How do you get them out? NACHOOOS

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A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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