Aww good to see you looking positive! He said to the boy dying of HIV

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What do you do if a bird shuts on your windscreen? A:never take her out again.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Yes.

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In this country, you gotta get the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, you get shot the F*** up at the end of Scarface.

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How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge? If it is laying in pieces around the crumbled wreckage of your house. [L]

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a fox? An eaten chicken.

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Roses are red.

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Why do they call you the interrup... SHUT UP!

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no pun intended

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What's five times 10? Sixty, you retarded fuck.

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My friend harris is fat.

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knock knock whose there banana banana who well, since a banana is a fruit and not human, it does not have parents and thus no last name was given to it.

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Q: Why is Santa's sack so big? A: Because he only cums once a year

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Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should I know I'm not a mind reader.

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Vagina Boob

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Why did the teenager commit suicide? Because he was constantly being bullied in school, which caused him to be depressed. Days later he found out that his mother had breast cancer and was most likely not going to survive.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We have condoms, But we didn't use them with you. You were DP'd, Now you have STD.

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The man decides to jump off the bridge and decides to make one last phone call. "Hello, Jane, this is Doug. I just wanted to let you know, from the bottom of my heart, that I love you." Person on the phone says "This is not Jane, this is Joe." "Oh, hi, Joe. Could you just tell your wife what I said. Bye." The man continues to jump down the bridge and swims with his beautiful girlfriend. They all had a great day.

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Listen pretty lady, NO WHAT WE HAVE BEEN DOING FOR LIKE SIXTEEN HOURS OR SOMETHING NON STOP STRAIGHT, IS VERBOTEN! Honestly, for me its a bit of a requirement, sure girls can go all like "But you are like friendzoned to me now", but then I... Hmm, you know, not a womanizer,my wife has the right word for it, I am a seducer.... Suddenly I do not like the sound of that, actually Its not a bit of a requirement, it is TOTALLY a requirement. Say, does it bother you when I mention my wife like at randomness?

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Q: Who followed E.T.A Hoffman? A: ASAP Rocky. (ETA and ASAP are both time-based abbreviations, ETA meaning 'estimated time of arrival' and ASAP meaning 'as soon as possible'. Thus, ASAP can form a response to a requested ETA. Additional humour comes from the dissonant occupations of the two individuals: E.T.A Hoffman being a nineteenth century gothic author, and ASAP Rocky being a modern rapper.)

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"You go, Glen Coco" -Mean Girls, 2004

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Bob: You need to push harder? Tom: Oh wow what a coincidence, that is what my wife said last night. They laugh about the irony of the situation and then return to the task at hand

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Person: kk Person1: did you just kk me? Person: no

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Your moma's so fat, she has a considerable list of medical health problems, and she is very miserable.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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