Girl: I love you in a platonic way Guy: ... Is that some kind of fat joke!

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What did Helen Keller name her pet dog? dfhiwueghweigw

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I remember my days you know in the army, agfanifuckingstan, got dirty water, then spent a week shitting... Anyway, I was holding a grenade right? And then two of them came around and I was like "here come good boy! GOOOD BOY! Catch the ball!" And then I pulled the pin and threw it. Aww shut up, you are all like "YOU SOLDIER KILL PUPPIES!" NO THOSE WHERE KIDS! And they would have been like 15 today and been killing your men today! YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME!

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What did the devout Catholic man say to his gay neighbours who just got married? "Congratulations!"

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23

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Roses are red, Violets are violet. The man who wrote this, Was high as shit.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimer's Roses are red

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You know what turns me on ....? TABLES!! You know what turns me on even more...? TABLES WITH CHAIRS!!!

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How many baby's does it take to paint a wall Depends on how hard you throw them

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What did the white man say to the black man? Hi i'm Steve, it's nice to meet you

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Q: why did the train not make it to the station? A: it crashed and killed everybody on board.

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What did the the girl say to the deaf boy after he asked her out? He doesn't know

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How can you get a hot girl to notice you? Set her baby on fire.

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How did the blonde die raking leaves? She fell out of the tree!

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How do you cheer up a sad caterpillar? KILL IT WITH FIRE

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Q. What did the man say when he beat his video game? A. "I beat my video game." Q. What did the man say after his favorite sports team missed the playoffs? A. "My favorite sports team missed the playoffs." Q. What did the man say when a murderer was in his house? A. Nothing. He was dead.

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Someone threw a cigarette at me today... What a fag.

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If there are 2 narwhals and two apples, why is each of the narwhals happy? Because each is a narwhal.

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Batman vs Superman the movie spoilers: Batman and Superman argue over how to handle some alien invaders, Batman wants to kill em, Superman believes he can save em. In the end they work together and save everybody. Moral: I hope they change the script, ever noticed how every hero vs hero themed movie/cartoon, ends up with them allying at the end? If ya do not believe me, just wait for the movie to come out.

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knock! knock! Whos there? Chris Hansen..

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It got hit by a rocket.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His sons funeral was on the other side.

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Q: What does a Jedi say when another Jedi farts? A: Who sabered the cheese?

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A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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