What did the three blind mice say to the priest? I'm blind :(

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How do you kill half the Mexican population? through a penny of a cliff. How do you kill the other half? Tell them its still down there.

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Whats black and has white cream in it? Oreos

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Nero, please cut the bull, I know you work for the feds, you are involved with the FBI, I know, but its not my problem, I just do not like you lying to me.

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What's worse than taking a final? Getting shot in the face.

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A man walks into a bar, drinks a few beers, then calls a taxi to take him home because he knew the risks of drunk driving.

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I tried frying some fish today, and it started sizzling at me. I took it as a direct threat and started yelling at the stove. Eventually it stopped and dinner was ruined, but I was proud of myself for winning.

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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How can you make a little boy tell the truth? Threaten to murder his family.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere. - Blake Woodman

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what do you call a drunk person? By his or her name and call him a cab

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What do you call it when an Arabic man gets shot? Murder.

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You know what assuming leads to... .....Assumptions.

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A man wearing a chicken t-shirt and holding a pair of dentures walks into the Youtube headquarters, then immediately walks out in fear of getting a copyright strike.

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A gay man walks into McDonald's. McDonald's serves people of all sexualities.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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how many dead babies can you fit into a blender? 17 how do you get them out? Tortilla chips, but you'd be arrested by that time anyway because you just murdered 17 babies

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a sloth? Everything. The blonde is a human being and humans are way different than sloths.

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a swingset? No I didn't. Ya it was actually really nice.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why did the boy cry? His Parents died.

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What did the man say to the man with no head? You have no head

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What happens to a black man when he jumps into a pool of clorox? He turns white!

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Dude 1: Hey, ya see these coins here? Dude 2: ya, what about em'? Dude 1: would you say you see these pretty often? Dude 2: yup... :/ Dude 1: so would you call them COMMON CENTS!?!?!?!?!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops