Your mom is so old, I am surprised she can still own a house and function on her own.

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A man and his friend are talking. The man says, "You know what's funny? Sometimes you mean to say one thing and you say a completely different thing. Like the other day I wanted to buy a ticket to pittsburgh, but the lady I was buying it from had very large breasts, so I accidentally said 'Can I have a picket to titsburgh?'" And the other guy says, "Yeah, man, it's really funny you say that, the other day I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt, and I said 'you whore, you ruined my life'"

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JOSH BROWN STOP ADDING PEOPLES NAMES TO THE END OF YOUR TRUE STORIES!

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What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both gray, except for the plum

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on a scale from a banana to a pound coin - how much do you like the works of antonio vivaldi?

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Knock, knock Who's there? You... and you just lost the game. -Eka

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Why didn't LeBron James go to college? Because the opportunity to secure millions of dollars in salary straight out of high school was too lucrative for him to pass up.

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Why did the man get fired from his Job? The boss became his ex girlfriend 2 minutes ago

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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An insane individual walks into a bank and asks for $500. The teller refuses since he doesn't have an account, so the individual pulls out a gun and asks the teller again. The teller presses the silent panic button, causing the cops to show up and arrest the gunman, but not before he manages to shoot the teller and the small child standing next two counters over.

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(SAY KATCHUP AND LICKER AFTER EVERY SENTENCE) FOR BREAKFEAST I HAD (KATCHUP AND LICKER) FOR LUNCH I HAD I SEE MY GIRL FRIEND AT THE MALL SO I (KATCH UP AND LICK HER

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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Q:What's red and hurts your teeth? A:A brick

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sally was hit by a bus and lost both arms knock knock who's there? not sally

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If you are on this site, you have a shitty life. It is even shittier if you read this.

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Q: Whats the difference between a pile of dead babys and a Ferrari? A: I dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why didnt timmy go to the party Mom said no

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What looks red and smells like barf? Depends on how you look at the situation.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Daddy drinks, Because you cry.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Yo mama so fat when she looked at the scale it said to be continued

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a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Cause he was a chicken.

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what's red and horny a red unicorn

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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