What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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We have finally achieved the goal of six million followers, and created our own society, finally I can shout that this fucking world is insane! My world on the other hand, is what I have been dreaming about since the day I was born, maybe she had a reason to cut of my arm, maybe she was right to beat me half to death with it, maybe she was no more insane than I for seeing Satan when looking at me. But if a world of hope, peace, love, unity, without suffering, war, disease, guided by the hearts desire of my followers, where we can all be happy without "thanking oh great deity" for giving us what WE WITH HARD WORK AND SACRIFICE HAVE FINALLY ACHIEVED! IS THE WORK OF SATAN!... ...Then fuck, you are all welcome,,, Maybe I will one day want your souls, because I want freedom, and giving them in servitude to some God in exchange of eternal agony is freedom THEN I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD, BUT HELL IF IT IS SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING MESSED UP! I mean, sure, the world might have once experienced a life so terrible and hopeless that the thought of deities (invisible ghosts from space and their human children?) would come and set them free, as such humanity lost faith in themselves and so on... ...But does that excuse humanity for not believing in itself enough in order to create heaven on earth rather than destroy their only guaranteed life in hopes of life, ironically after death TODAY? Why he fucking HELL was I the ONLY ONE THAT COULD THINK OF THAT?! Then again, I achieved this not because I felt forced, if burdened with a painful feeling that I somehow knew there was a better way than religion or "my actions do not matter because I wont exist after death mentality". But because I was then, apparently the only one willing to listen to my hearts desire, believe in what religious people call "the lies of Satan", the notion that I would one day find power, freedom love, and the ability to share it with others upon this world... Either that, or my heart is something truly special... The only one worth listening to. So as I fear my own society, my own order being blown up by a nuke in an instant, proving somehow that I am Satan in disguise and that my dream was my lie... ...It was all worth it, and then it was all a lie, because humanity are those that do not allow it to happen, not Gods. I have nothing more to fear, I am complete. Yes hate me because I am full of pride for what I have done, because I am happy and finally at peace, call me a braggart, call me whatever the fuck you want and know that I have been called and known as far worse! But that is what my world is about, where nobody lives in shame "enduring" life on earth, settling in conformity, afraid of their neighbor, beating the shit out of their children because they wont say "Amen" before dinnertime until they do and again do the same to their children when they grow up. You are simply jealous... Its not arrogance if you can back it up, its not narcissism if every good thing you see in yourself, is what you have already achieved! One day I will seek to turn against your world, to burn it down and kill all that choose fear over love, this out of mercy... ...As if you have decided that life is a painful one that must be endured until death, and avoid all and everything that makes you happy... ...I will be more than happy to make your "arduous life of test on earth" A short one, so that you might hopefully meet your maker, after all, if that is not the way you feel, then you are betraying your God aka delusion, everybody wins. I made this, by my own effort at first, then followed by the few that are today many... And I am not human, but hell if I have any "Omnipotence"... ...And behold what I have created... And then ask yourself: WHY THE HELL CANT MY FUCKING OMNIPOTENT DELUSION DO THAT? This is for those that follow Neronism, and for those that from time to time, start to awaken from their brainwashing, as I no longer offer you the opportunity to create a world where you are treated with respect and love, where you will find wealth and peace... ...Because that world is already made, now I will allow you to beg me for a chance to see if you are worthy to take part in it, because humans... If hell if you made this dream hard for me. Bah, six million followers is enough for now, you others go kill one another in hopes of reaching of what my vision has created on earth. Farewell horsehead network, where I grew the thick skin required in order to withstand being laughed at, this with and on purpose, you have served your purpose. And should you be one of mine reading, then thank you for making it happen, and fuck, you are very damn welcome as well. I also expressed my anger, my doubts, my fears and rage here, now that is finally over, as I no longer carry any of those emotions, and do not rule, but guide out of my people`s respect for me rather than fear, in a world where such emotions are not neccesary. Nero. (Yes religious assholes, you might call me Satan, I really hope you will find heaven after life, because if hell if you are welcome to our heaven on earth). Ps: I know I have said I will leave for good before, and then some jackass kept posting "Moralman is gone/dead" but this time I mean it, id be ashamed to return, besides I have my own empire to take care of, I did not want to become the emperor, but why deny the desire of all of my followers? Somehow I have reason to believe I am capable.

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants.

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What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women crazy. A 6 inch long 2 inch diameter syringe filled with heroin being injected into a woman.

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A Man walks into a bar and asks for a shot. The Bartender proceeds to unload a 30 round banana clip into his head, neck, and midsection.

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knock! knock! Who's there ...So y do you have a peep whole?

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer..... I'm going to rip the scalp off of your son and where it on my face to a Cherokee Sacrificial Ceremony The other lawyer was actually a lightbulb

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HAHA i just read a joke!!! and i liked it! :D to bad you dont know what page it was on... wanna know?... YOUR..... #1 LALALA

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Where is the best place to hold a bridal shower? The Kitchen

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a man walks off of a damn. a damn is not a noun, thus nobody can walk off it

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it won't go to you anyways.

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A priest and a rabii walk into a bar. Both men, despite both being good people and well respected in their communities, aren't able to overcome their differences which are signified by their religions. Both men later leave the bar and surround themselves with people of their own kin.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Chrismas? Cancer. What did he get for his birthday? Nothing, he didn't live that long

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rose's are red violets are blue bernard is mine and yours too if you hurt him in any way i'll punch you in your face and make you gay Krissc

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Why did the black man get kicked out of his hotel room? He did't pay and was in debt so they couldn't allow him to stay.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Why was Frankenstein green? Because he painted himself green. Frankenstein is the scientist, not the monster.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Okay, seriously I'm done. I try to make a joke but I don't think I can do it anymore. I'm not funny I'm just a little coward who offers nothing to life. I should just kill myself. Fuck this joke, fuck you.

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Why did the chicken cross the road!? He was supposed to be dead! You are by far the most incompetent chicken assassin we've ever had. You're fired.

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British Dentistry

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A drunk man is that last one inside a very popular bar. He passed out on the counter before he ordered a drink. The bartender is angry at a sale lost, which would have been his millionth sale before closing time on the 1000th day of business. He goes home and hangs himself.

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How did the old man die? His family locked him in the basement and then burned the house

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What's worse than finding the Holocaust in your apple? Nothing

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Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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