Why did the man stop dead in his tracks? He was on top of a land mine.

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What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

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The grandfather's grandson said, "They charged me $10 just for a cup of coffee!" The grandfather said, "They charged me with bayonets."

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How do you get your mom off a clown? hit your mom with an axe

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what do you call a brown man that has been repeatedly shanked and has been fucked up the arse by 10 Rag heads in one night and thrown in a well to slowly and painfully die? Lloyd.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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Are you trolling with me? I mean how can you know where I live if you have not even picked up the phone yet? Listen, if you wanted to make me upset, you did it okay? You won, I like you a lot and I would never do such a thing. I understand you being upset Nero, I am so sorry, I never meant nor wanted for this to happen, I hope you can forgive me someday.

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why was the fat man excercizing? because he was a fatass and no one liked him

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What happened to the baby bird? It fell out the nest

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being drunk in a mall sounds like it would be alot of fun . . . . . . . but that is public intoxication and that is against the law

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Why did Jimmy eat the apple? Because he was obese and needed to eat healthy because his doctor suggested it.

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What do you do when you're given a phonebook? You ask for their name.

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What do you call a white hankerchief dipped into the red sea? Wet.

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What did the framer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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What did the black man do when he saw a bike sitting on the sidewalk? He took it into the shop paid for it and rode off feeling good about how hes helping the environment.

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You might be a redneck if you're from a rural area and behave as such.

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How do you get 100 Africans in a phone box? Throw a can of beans in there.

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What's the difference between a horse? All legs are of equal length, especially the left one.

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Rock a by baby, In a tree top When the wind blows The cradle will rock, When the bough breaks The cradle will fall And down will come baby Dying on impact.

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What's worse than losing a contact Having a bloody stool

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Q. What did batman say to Robin before they got in the car? A. Get in the car Robin.

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oh, you have a baby on board? I'll just drive into the the car next to you...

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My Grandma has Alzheimers and always repeats what she says. My Grandma has Alzheimers and always repeats what she says. (Submitted by Aidan)

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We can never ask enough hypothetical questions, can we? Well?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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