Roses are red, Violets are blue, We have condoms, But we didn't use them with you. You were DP'd, Now you have STD.

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What did the little boy get for christimas? Nothing because he's a selfish asshole.

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Why wasn't the black woman allowed on the bus? It was rush hour and the bus was full.

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How do you tell the difference between a white family, and an albino black family? The albino black family suffers from a lack of pigmentation, while the white family just has a naturally pale skintone.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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How many apple does it take to turn a fridge into a water buffalo? Yellow tactics because of the Minty fragrance

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Why did the blackjack player gamble every night and day and not eat, sleep, or use the bathroom? To practice for a tournament in which the grand prize was to save his dying grandmother.

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what did the clock say to the other clock? .. were both lawyers!

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A ninja is walking down the street then he...finds a puppy a names him rex

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A young man was lost wandering in a field, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a scary southern man with a shotgun in hands. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will shoot you with this shotgun." He couldn't have sex with the daughter anyway because he has severe erectile dysfunction.

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a man checks his brand new cellphone to see if he has a text message... He has cancer

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yo mamma is so stupid she failed high school

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Your mom is so fat that she has diabetes and if she does not stick to her medical diet, her foot will be removed, but she started binge eating because of you in the first place, and if you don't straighten our your life, you will inadvertently be the cause of your mothers death.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? hello is anybody there? hello?....... .....the number your trying to reach has been removed please hang up the door knob and put the squirrel back in the lawnmower were belongs

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HAHA i just read a joke!!! and i liked it! :D to bad you dont know what page it was on... wanna know?... YOUR..... #1 LALALA

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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Why does Timmy Teblow love penis? Logan Cole made him do it.

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How do you get your clock to stop ticking? Hit it with a sledge hammer.

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Did you hear about the little girl who got a bike for her birthday? Shes dying of Terminal Cancer

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What is worse than ending and apple joke in the holocaust? Getting raped by a goat

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what do you call an exited rectangle? an Erectangle

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whats long, hairy, and has one eye? my cat fluffy, he has cancer.

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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side

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Why did the banana explode? Because it was a grenade!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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