What did the man say when his wife said hello? Hello.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a black pilot? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was the boy upset? His penis fell off and his mom was making him go to the library.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did the teacher say that the student did well in class? because the student did well in class

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How many walls can you paint with a baby? Depends on how hard you throw it.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a turtle? A bunch of nosy ass people wondering wtf you're doing.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A catholic priest gets a nun pregnant. He drowns the baby several months later.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's cool about a dead fish? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do friends and trees have in common? They will both fall over after being hit multiple times with an ax.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Yo momma is so fat, that after boarding an airplane the flight crew respectfully asked her to deboard, as with her on board the plane would be exceeding the reccomended weight, and thus be unable to fly safely.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what is the only thing in the world that can pick up 1000 jews at once? A vacuum cleaner

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are Red Violets are Blue I can't wait to shove my finge in you

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Hey Johnny what's after 2?? 3.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

You're American when you enter the the bathroom and you're American when you exit the bathroom. What are you while you're inside the bathroom? Using the bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the woman in the kitchen? She was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Adam Thomas is homosexual

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Bill: ask me if i am three ducks in a man suit Jim: are you three ducks in a man suit? Bill: yes

thumb_up thumb_down +19

roses are red violets are blue some poems make sense banana monkey glue

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Is that my bread? I sure hope so.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what do you call a toddler with a gun? uninteresting

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A: Knock, knock. A: Knock, knock! A: Um ... Knock, knock! B: Sorry, I didn't want to answer the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I have this friend named Rachel, so I call her Rachel.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Cornelius went to the dcotor and got a sticker and a lollipop for being a good patient. He later went home and shoved the lollipop stick up his dick hole and started wildly masturbating. I forgot to mention Cornelius was 42 years old.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops