What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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What do grass and cows have in common? They both say "moo" except for grass

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Justin Bieber

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

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I tried frying some fish today, and it started sizzling at me. I took it as a direct threat and started yelling at the stove. Eventually it stopped and dinner was ruined, but I was proud of myself for winning.

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Wanna know how to confuse a blonde? No. I wanna know which way you would prefer to die.

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5 Christians, 4 Arabs, 3 Jews, and a Monkey are locked in a room with sticky bombs, hand grenades, a bible, and some bananas. What do they do? play scrabble

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what do you call a man with a bullet hole in his leg? A man who needs t see a doctor.

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What's worse than losing $100 at the racetrack? Losing at Russian Roulette

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why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress why is there all this blank space?

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How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

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A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!

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I'm currently on a seafood diet That is, I only eat seafood.

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Why did Kelliintheraw get punched in the face? Because she is a dumbass

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What did the mute man say to his mother? Seeing as mute men can't talk, we'll never know

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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a turtle? A bunch of nosy ass people wondering wtf you're doing.

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What sinks quickly to the bottom of a river? Your dead parents.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Why did the baby fall off the swing? Because i hit it with a bat.

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Why did the dog get arrested? He didn't the people responsible for causing the dog fight got arrested for animal abuse.

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What did the daddy hamster say to the baby hamster? Nothing. Male hamsters eat their young.

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What is worse than stubbing your toe. Being shot

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The WNBA.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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