What did King Tut say when he got scared? How would I know? It was over a thousand years ago.

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roses are red violets are blue i have AIDS i'm about to die

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Slow and steady wins the race, But only in some cases. Mostly never.

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Three girls are eating icecream one girl sucks on her icecream the second girl licks on her icecream and the third girl bites on her icecream. Q: Which of the three girls is married? A: The girl with the wedding ring.

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What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 BIG black guys? The most common NFL Offence

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Obese penguin. It died of a heart attack.

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What's old and has wet pants? My grandma with a bladder problem

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Why did the police officer pull over a black guy? He was going over the appropriate speed limit for that area.

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A man in an airport asked me if i wanted my bag to be carry-on. So i said yes.

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So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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Y

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Roses are red Violets are FUCKING VIOLET NOT FUCKING BLUE

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What do you get when you cross an African, a white person, an Asian and a Spaniard? Society's worst nightmare

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SteVen Hawking wals into a bar

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Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium BATMAN! Oh cemetery jokes

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There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

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Jews

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what do dead babies and turkeys have in common? you eat them on ocasions

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Why does Stuart go to Zu Bar? Because he deals cocaine to his fellow raving companions

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Praise Paisley

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Why do black people have white hands? Palms and soles are not in direct sunlight, and therefore less amounts of melanin are produced in those regions.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Everything's brown Who shit on my flowers

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what's wrong on so many levels? wrong wrong wrong wrong

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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