So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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Why did the police officer pull over a black guy? He was going over the appropriate speed limit for that area.

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What's old and has wet pants? My grandma with a bladder problem

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A man in an airport asked me if i wanted my bag to be carry-on. So i said yes.

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Why was the black man holding the knife in such a particular manner? Because he was getting dinner ready for his family.

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why couldn't Hellen Keller scream when she fell of a building? She was wearing mittens.

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What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 BIG black guys? The most common NFL Offence

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If humans say YOLO what do cats say? meow.

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Obese penguin. It died of a heart attack.

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Why did the bugger cross the rode? He was tired of getting picked on

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Three girls are eating icecream one girl sucks on her icecream the second girl licks on her icecream and the third girl bites on her icecream. Q: Which of the three girls is married? A: The girl with the wedding ring.

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roses are red violets are blue i have AIDS i'm about to die

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why is six afraid of seven? because six is a rapist

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I have Alzheimer's, i pee out gold, racoons

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why did the clown stop laughing? because it got hit by an axe

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The Game.

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The Israeli asked the Japanese guy to open his eyes The Japanese guy said, I'm not squinting you crazy Jew. You're the one that sold me these cheap glasses.

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What did King Tut say when he got scared? How would I know? It was over a thousand years ago.

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Slow and steady wins the race, But only in some cases. Mostly never.

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And the guy who played Trapper John on MASH wins the coveted 'Last Famous TV Person to Die in 2015' award!!! Woooooooo!!!!

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what's black, white, and red all over? a penguin stuck in a blending machine

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Why do vampires drink blood? Maybe if they existed you could ask one.

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Roses are red Violets are blue life is a bitch and so are you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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