Why did Susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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Why did the beach ball pop? Because it stepped on a sharp chocolate chip cookie!

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A women go hit by a car, what everyone woners though, how did the car get in between the bedroom and the kitchen?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Can people stop posting grammatically incorrect jokes on here. Half of the sentences do not make sense.

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Roses are red violets are blue poems don't have to rhyme..... Refrigerator

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Knock knock. Who's ther? Your friend Billy i've been shot and need help

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umm idk what joke to write down so yea and so rate this a thumbs up! okay bc this is an awesome joke...right right right yea ik!

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Why did the blonde driver crossed the red light? Because she has a good notion of physics and realized that the truck that was behind her was too fast to stop in time and if she braked there could have been an accident.

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What did John F. Kennedy say to Kurt Cobain? Nothing. They never met.

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A sphere rolls around the corner and falls over.

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What did the chicken say to the rhino? Nothing. Animals can't talk.

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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Baman: What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? Piderman: What? Baman: They're all gone!

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Q: A black man is walking down the street with a television, where did he just come from? A: Best Buy, he just got a bonus, and wanted to reward himself.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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Why a warm-harted man turned into cold-blooded? He's dead

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road Because he did

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What's black, and hangs from trees in my backyard? Blackberries

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Hey buddy what's up? I justed wanted to know if you wanted to hang out tonight. Just call me and tell me what you wanna do. Ok that's it see ya. Oh yeah! I gave your mom an STD...sorry dude...it just happened. I hope your dad isn't mad. Again, really sorry. Ok bye.

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Why did the man walk into the bar? He wast thirsty.

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How do you kill a blonde? A gun, knife, there are a number of ways really...

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What is the difference between peanut butter andd jam! Jam is made from crushed fruit and gelatine while peanut butter is made from finely ground peanuts and is often sweetened with sugar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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