What's old and has wet pants? My grandma with a bladder problem

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So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? To honor his father, Jonathan "Red" Hoffner, who was tragically killed in the line of duty. While attempting to save 3 small children in a trailer park fire, the elder firefighter suffered 3rd degree burns over 80 percent of his body. "Red" was rushed to a local hospital and lingered for several agonizing days. He began to rally but a careless error by a night nurse led to his unfortunate demise. His son was psychologically unable to wear anything but red suspenders every day for the rest of his life - not only because of his father's death but also because it was he who had maliciously set the fire in the first place.

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Steve Jobs Died today. So did 56 million other people.

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yo momma's so dumb she attended a dyslexic test and was proven mildly autistic.

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What do you call a Mexican that swam across the border? An illegal immigrant.

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What do a Jew and a homeless man both have in common? They both get nothing for Christmas

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What did the Pitchfork say to the Gremlin? Nothing, because its a pitchfork, and gremlin's don't exist.

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Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

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How did Steve Jobs die? Of cancer, in a bed, and surrounded by his loved ones.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He couldn't, his legs were broken

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A hispanic man eats a taco and enjoys. He is kicked in the nuts 2 months later.

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What do you find in a pile of dead babies? ************************************************ A dead baby.

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Once upon a time Jimmy was walking home from school. Jimmy was then confronted by a a pedophile so he suddenly ate himself.

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How do you wake up Lady GaGa? Poke her Face.

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What does a Jew do when he finds money on the street? He picks it up and is probably happy it was there.

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Girls got to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys go to Mars to build a sophisticated civilization.

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When life gives you ponies... get a new life!

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Why does Billy Mays yell? He doesn't, he's dead.

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Why did the frog cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.

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Why are the new york knicks called the new york knicks.? no one gives a crap

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When life gives you lemons....you probably just FOUND lemons...

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I was walking down the street the other day and I saw this lady and suddenly: POTATOES!!!!!!!!!

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? When you think that there is no worm in your apple, but after your second bite you look down in disgust as you notice you have eaten half of the worm and see the other half wriggling about in your apple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops