Why did the Mexican wait outside Home Depot all day? He was hoping to be hired as day-labor to provide for his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

A three legged dog walks into the bar and says, " I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw." The bartender replies, "Your father was an honorable man, and I wish I could help."

thumb_up thumb_down -52

What did the prisoner receive on his 44th birthday? Well obviously all mail in prisons is checked, but nothing dangerous was found. He received a book on different types of steam engines (he is a railway fan), some chocolate (galaxy caramel, which is his favourite), a crossword challenge book (he gets bored in his cell) and the anti joke book.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

did you know that Hellen Keller had a tree house? "no" she didn't know either.

thumb_up thumb_down -128

How you learn to juggle? You ask someone for their balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +193

So a gay guy walks in a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind, get out." The gay says he will drink in the corner. Later, a construction worker walks into the bar. He says," Man, I'm so thirsty I could drink the sweat off a cows balls." The gay guy in the corners says," Mooooooooo."

thumb_up thumb_down +181

Why don't women wear watches? In the technologically advanced age that we live in, the watch is rapidly being replaced with other electronic devices that tell time, such as cell phones or iPods.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

What do you do when you find a robber holding a 19 pound sack of poultry? Think life through and try to find out how you had this coming.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

why did the child go to school? Because he wants to succeed in life

thumb_up thumb_down +15

what did one farmer say to the other farmer we are farmers

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happened when a myriad people decided to partake in a large party while staying in a small room? They managed to make a compromise. The party got split into two groups: 50% of the original total in each casual confinement. In the end, everybody had a great time and nobody got hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A mother and her kid are in a park: Kid: Why did the chicken go to jail? Mother: Because the chicken killed your father... Now we are broke living in a park and I'm gonna kill myself at noon, and so are you. Kid: I'm not doing that, and neither are you and Daddies over their! The dad is a zombie, this is the beginning of the zombie apocalypses. THE END!!! PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your mother is so good in the kitchen that we all asked for a second helping.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you get when you mix a dog and a cow blood everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

The sun was burning as the Elephant offered the mouse to walk between the sun and the mouse so the mouse could get some shade. Mouse: Lets switch places so you can have some shade too! Elephant: Good idea! Just then unexpectedly the elephant slipped on a banana peel and tilted towards the mouse. Squish. Moral: The reason they never tell kids the full story... for real.. honest...

thumb_up thumb_down -103

I heard you like playing basketball at night. My ears are fully functional in comprehension of human language and therefore I am able to listen and remember words that are told by others.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Why did the mammoth cross the road? For financial reasons.

thumb_up thumb_down +180

Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I'm color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

Why wouldn't the girl clean her room? She was paralyzed.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

how do you kill a bear. -you shoot it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Every 20 seconds, a child in africa starves to death... Every 30 seconds, an obese american teen stuffs their face with McDonalds

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops