"One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f uck's your problem?'" -Training Day

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If an orange is orange then why isn't a banana called a yellow? Because the word 'banana' comes from the Arabic word for finger as it obviously resembles a finger. The person that named the orange was equally lazy, but just not Arabic.

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why did jenny fall off the swing? because she had no arms Knock Knock Whos there? not jenny

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Why was the black man sad? Because his wife and children had been killed in a freak car accident while he had been driving.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Elephant. Elephant who? Seatbelt.

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andrew wagner

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That awkward moment when a joke doesn't end the way you think it would.

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What did the Jewish man say to the Shia faction Muslim man? Even though we have different views on god and religion I value your friendship more than my religous views.

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A man comes home to find his wife sleeping with another woman. He molests them both.

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Whats a welfare? Its what keeps you alive.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping? Well you should be very concerned because he hasn't been found in 4 years.

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yo mama has one big titty and one small titty and the call the bitch paul

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Friend: What do you call a farting dog? Me: A canine releasing built up pressure as a result of excess carbon-based gases produced by the synthesizing and decompositional digestive reactions in the stomach and intestines. Friend: ... Who is a nerd, pointless, has no social life, and cant take a joke? Me: No one. No one but you is that exceptionally lacking in character.

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A man walks into a bar. Now he needs stitches on his forehead because he was walking pretty fast

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Q: Why did the kid cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide

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Whats worse than it raining on your birthday? 911

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How can you tell if a man is choking? Stick a fridge down his throat

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K

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What did the elephant say to the whale? Nothing, neither can talk and they live in very different biomes.

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A muslim is working quietly in his 3rd floor apartment complex bedroom. ~~~~ He's been working on high explosives for 8 months now, preparing to kill innocent people.

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Q: What's funnier than a baby in a blender? A: A baby in a clownsuit in a blender.

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Roses are red violets are blue, I have no pickup line, just Get your tits out

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If I met your mom before you was born, you would still be born.

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what is big, grey and sits in the middle of a field. A filing cabinet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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