German bedtime story: There once was a boy who liked to suck his thumbs. His mother told him to stop, but he wouldn't. So she cut of his thumbs. Now he has none. Goodnight.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q.What has flashing lights and really bad dancing A.Baby haveing an eppilectic fit

thumb_up thumb_down -9

roses are red violets are blue i suck at poems i like your boobs

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the man rape the woman? He had a lapse in judgement.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you do when a man in a corner offers you candy? You walk away.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

There are 2 carrots sitting in a basket. One carrot says to the other; I'm a carrot! The other carrot does not reply, because carrots do not speak. Now consider the possibility, that the first carrot was a talking monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

The speeding car skidded on the rain-slicked roadway. Beyond the outside of the curve was a 100 meter drop-off. As the car slid toward the edge of the road, the driver and passenger both had a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach and wished they hadn't ordered vinegar milkshakes, the special of the day at Pickle Shack. Or it could have been the toadstools, but it didn't matter now.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Holy Fish Sticks Batman! Batman and Robin were at a church and saw a priest eating fish sticks.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-Knock knock. ~Use the doorbell. -Ding dong. ~The witch is dead!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

yo momma so stupid she should probably be taken to a specialist as she may have a learning disability.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because that's where all of the other chickens are.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

One day in school two kids had a conversation. Susan: What do you want to do when your older? Oliver: I want to go to the moon. Susan: Oh. I went there last week. Oliver: Can you smell something. Susan: Haven't you ever been to Pennsylvania.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was it okay for the people in the hospital to laugh at the narcoleptic patient? It wasn't. The patients were treated because of moral obligations, but the doctors that laughed were either fired or warned, depending on if they had previous reports of exploitation of patients.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Alice, seriously do as I say, I lived with the man for over 16 years, those are not hallucinations, its PTSD, without ritalin he will just go trough that agony for nothing, not coffee not chocolate or any of that, anything that helps his focus. Seriously do not be a bitch Alice, listen to him and do as he says. Its not the first time people think he is having hallucinations when his eyes start moving back and forth like crazy, he is not seeing things, he is experiencing this as if they where real, and just because he can stay in that state for days, does not mean he is meant to go trough that kind of agony because of your ethics or caring or whatever your hesitation might be, the man can go without food for weeks if he has to, but not after you sneak trash like Zopiclone into his system. That was a mistake of yours, make up for it Alice, or ill make you pay.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Your mother is so ugly that nobody wants to date her because she is hideous.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's read, round and gets smaller? A baby combing its hair with a potato pearler

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? When you think that there is no worm in your apple, but after your second bite you look down in disgust as you notice you have eaten half of the worm and see the other half wriggling about in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Nothing if you heard a loud sound or something that was me dropping the phone, by accident, its busted, I will call you when and if all of your "facts" turn out to be true, Hey, had no idea my doppelganger would be so down to earth by the way, so I am sleepy, what about you?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? He graduated at the top of his class with a master's degree in engineering.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are blue, Violets are red, Wait, what? huh

thumb_up thumb_down -11

i'm filthy rich literally because money is dirty

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When life gives you lemons, sell them. Rejoice in your free money.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

whats fat round and bouncing off the ground= George goodburn

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops