Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did robin get in the batmobile? Batman told him to

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Sometimes I light my hair on fire and pretend I'm a candle.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man walks into a McDonald's and proceeds to buy a burger, unfortunately a man was robbing the fast food restaurant, what did the man do. Buy a burger

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Did you hear the one about the Gay Irish Politician who was running for President?! He withdrew his candidacy.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why is a bear like a cloud? They are both blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you make a dead baby float? -you take your foot off its head.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I hate girls that try to act hard. Like calm down you dont got a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q. What is the difference between a bird and a fly? A. A bird can fly, but a fly can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q. Where do snowmen keep their money? A. A snowman is an anthropomorphic snow sculpture made of frozen water. They therefore cannot earn, keep or have any use for money.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

who wins a race a white guy or a black guy? depends who's faster

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q. What is worse than being British???? A. Not being British

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What happens 2 seconds after you thorw a rock out a two-story window? The rock hits the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -54

What's worse than dying? Living in Africa

thumb_up thumb_down -66

That moment when you and your friends throw snowballs at cars in the dark on the highway and the cops spotlight your area while you hide in a shed...

thumb_up thumb_down +147

What do you call a Mexican jumping fences? A really good athlete.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

What is worse than getting a 30% on a test? Getting a 29% on a test.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

im gay because im gay

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A child in Africa developed Malaria. He became very sick and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why is Jem no longer a cartoon? Because they all died from toxic hairspray.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops