What's the ultimtate guerilla camoflauge at night time? Black people.

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BOB:john John:what? BOB:4:59 seconds to get rid of it

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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Why don't women bother to have penises? Because they're lazy and they don't care.

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What do you call an African American on the moon? An astronaut

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Your mom is so fat that she should watch her weight and maintain a healthy diet.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am schizophrenic ...and so am I

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Why didn't LeBron James go to college? Because the opportunity to secure millions of dollars in salary straight out of high school was too lucrative for him to pass up.

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Why was it okay for the people in the hospital to laugh at the narcoleptic patient? It wasn't. The patients were treated because of moral obligations, but the doctors that laughed were either fired or warned, depending on if they had previous reports of exploitation of patients.

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Why did the black men chase the chicken ? Because it wondered out of a barn.

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what is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? dead babies dont stick to the roof of your mouth when you are eating them.

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What happened to the boy who tried to cross the road? He got hit by a semi-truck and died.

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you know what rhymes with sloth. rape

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Roses are red Violets are blue That's what they tell me Because I'm blind

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Womens' sports

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a doctor came into the room after receiving a woman's test results for lung cancer. the woman says, "is it negative or positive doctor?" the doctor looks at the woman and says, "it's negative, congratulations."

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Why did the girl run to school Because a lion was chasing her

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What did the elephant say to the poacher? Answer: Dear God in heaven, please don't kill me for my ivory.

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The Game.

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Why do we need to keep answering encryption codes? Because you can't keep a good Jew down (Wyndellberg)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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