How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock Knock Whose there? The pizza you ordered That's weird, the Pizza I ordered shouldn't be able to talk

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver? Cause she was blind, def, and mute. Thus making it difficult to drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

one day a guy walks into a bar. he buy's a drink then walks hapily home by Mad James

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't, he died like everyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You've been in robotics too long if you start talking to your tools. You've been in there way too long if they start talking back!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There once was a man from Nantucket. He's dead now.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you get when you put the head of a lion on the body of an eagle?2 dead animals and a fine for killing protected species.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There are two men named Dan. The first man says, "Hello, my name is Dan." The second man says, "Hello, my name is also Dan."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why is 6 afraid of 7? because 6 is a capitalist and 7 is a communist

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Go home and hang yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the cow say to the horse? Mooo

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Jerry Sandusky walks up to the reception desk at a day care center. What does the lady at the desk say? Nothing, she promptly gives Mr. Sandusky his son and they leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you can an astronaut with an apple? Never mind, I have a boner.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress why is there all this blank space?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

One day a man woke up and decided that he was going to do something with his life. He then got a haircut, took a shower and bought a nice new suit. After that he went home and cleaned up his whole house and invited his parents, that were not very close with him, over for dinner.An hour and thirty minutes before his parents got there, he went to the store to pick up some food to prepare for the very important dinner. On the way home he see's a homeless man walking on the side of the road. The man felt bad for him because he was poor so he gave him $10. He then proceeded home to make the dinner. The dinner turned out very well and he went to bed a better man.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the CEO step down? Because he was very ill and could no longer meet his duties and expectations as Pear’s CEO.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Want to hear a joke? Me too.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Pi and i are having an argument about the state of modern mathematics. Pi goes into a frenzy and i says "be rational". Pi does not realise that i was just being friendly, and so tells him: "get real". [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did one tree say to the other? "Hey Phil, how's it going?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why couldn't the blonde turn on the TV? The TV was broken.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the little girl drown? because she was left unsupervized and had never properly learned to swim. she also had no arms and cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What made Chuck Norris cry? Stubbing his toe

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops