How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I forgot my joke about gamblers, but i bet you would have loved it!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I used to work at a chemical plant manufacturing hydrochloric acid. I couldn't handle it. One day a container exploded and I got severe chemical burns on my face. The scarring is awful. It has ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the man walk into the grocery store? To provide an alibi for his identical twin who was committing 1st degree murder at the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a boy fell in mud... a kid took a bath with bubbles... bubbles was the girl next door!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? The president. -Harrison

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Juan got hit by a truck Knock Knock Who's there? Juan's brother coming to stab you in the abdomen.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you get a priest to cry? Stab him.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

how did the blonde get a concussion? she didnt see the pole in front of her.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

penis haha

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's dry and unpleasant to eat? Sand.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Miškinis gerai prikolina.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what did the asian father say to his son after getting a c+ on a test? son you are working hard and i know you will do well

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the squirrel say to Justin Bieber? We both enjoy nuts.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When Geese fly in their 'V' formation, why is one line bigger than the other? There's more geese in that line.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I did not thumb this up myself!... *click* Whoops! At least I am not that douche Moral Man eh? Moral: Whoops! Now if I just don't accidentally type in the answer and...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock knock, who's there? Doctor. Doctor who?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Can I ask you a question? You just did

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Chuck Norris screams in pain.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the little boy die? He had AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I'm dressing up as a shia for halloween

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops