What's the difference between a bird and a fish ? They're both different, except the fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

monster under your bed? thank god im in your closet...........

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why don't lesbians use dildoes? Because they look just like a big penises.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why did the black guy die? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs? names.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I thoroughly dislike arabs, I lost both my parents in the events of 9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between a cult leader and a television personality? On average, 3.2 inches.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what sits in the corner of a room and gets smaller and smaller? a baby combing its hair with a potato peeler

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A boy is eating with his family. A man in the next booth tells him "You are very handsome and you will be a movie star when you grow up." Then the man leaves. On the way out, the boy's mom says "You know he was drunk, right?"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Diarrhea

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Santa give little Susie for Christmas? Nothing, he raped her.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There was a brunette, a blonde and a red head, They were all great friends!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How did the jew win a marathon? Through hard vigorous training by running everyday and eating healthy.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Wanna hear a joke......... your moms face !!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats small and has Aids? Avery..

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I used to work at a chemical plant manufacturing hydrochloric acid. I couldn't handle it. One day a container exploded and I got severe chemical burns on my face. The scarring is awful. It has ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the man walk into the grocery store? To provide an alibi for his identical twin who was committing 1st degree murder at the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I forgot my joke about gamblers, but i bet you would have loved it!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a boy fell in mud... a kid took a bath with bubbles... bubbles was the girl next door!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Juan got hit by a truck Knock Knock Who's there? Juan's brother coming to stab you in the abdomen.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When Geese fly in their 'V' formation, why is one line bigger than the other? There's more geese in that line.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops