What happens when you put a cat in an oven? Don't, because it will die.

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Where's Justin Beiber? With his girlfriend.

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A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Why can't humans fly? Because there is simply no natural way of achieving lift with the bodies that we have. We must use other means to become airborne such as planes and hot air balloons.

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Why don't women wear watches? In the technologically advanced age that we live in, the watch is rapidly being replaced with other electronic devices that tell time, such as cell phones or iPods.

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Why did the panda fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second panda fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first panda. Why did the third panda fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the fourth panda fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. -BG_Shank_A

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Q. Why did the friend say to the other friend "Your soo gay!" A. Because he was gay..

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An Irishman walked into a pub and ordered a pint. He had planned to just have one but ended up having two since he'd had a rough day at work. His wife was slightly annoyed that he came home smelling of beer.

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iff god whas funny why thit he let your mother be raped and your sister murdered en iff satan whos a ice cream will he taste sweet ?

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What did the Leah say to the Pawneez? AWWWW YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A: How do you make a fire with two sticks? B: Ask your mother, we did it last night.

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So a black man, an Italian, a Mexican, an Irishman, a Chinese man, and a Jew walk into a bar. They go their separate ways and never see each other again.

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Your mother is so fat the she is clinically obese.

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what is worse then stubbing your toe in the dark? -september 11th

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When Life throws you lemons you might be hallucinating

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i like serious. serious means business. business means cash. cash means money. money makes me happy and when i'm happy you dont die

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What did George W. Bush say to his wife when he got home? I'm home.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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What is Osama Bin Laden's favorite food? I don't know, and to be completely honest I doubt you do either.

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how do you put a giraffe in a fridge? open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door. how do you put an elephant in a fridge? open the door, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in and close the door. the lion king is holding a conference in the jungle and all the animals turn up except for one, which animal is missing? the elephant, it's in the fridge. you come across a river you need to cross, but it is infested with man-eating crocodiles, how to you cross the river without dying? just swim across, all the crocodiles are at the conference.

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What does Rubens Barrichelo does with his F1 championship trophies? He never got one.

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Why can't a T-Rex clap? Because they're extinct

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Why did the Mexican wait outside Home Depot all day? He was hoping to be hired as day-labor to provide for his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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