Roses are red Violets are blue Theres a crazy ass alpaca ready to take a shit on you

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q. When you drink two 5 hour energies, do you get 10 hours of energy or double the energy for 5 hours? A. You die

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What is Soulja Boy's favorite letter? I don't know. You go ask him.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why can't Michael Jackson swim? Because he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do vampires cross the sea in?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What is the difference between a white mans penis and a black mans penis? It doesn't matter, phallic size isn't everything its what you do that defies you.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

God

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's the main difference between dogs and children? When children reach their teen years they grow up and leave home. When dogs reach their teen years they die of old age.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man walks into a bar Ouch

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I couldnt remember who Rhiana used to date. Then it hit me.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What sound did the man make? Splatt. He fell off a building.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

SteVen Hawking wals into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Wright flyer

thumb_up thumb_down -16

There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

thumb_up thumb_down -16

knock knock who's there auntie auntie who? anti-joke

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's old and has wet pants? My grandma with a bladder problem

thumb_up thumb_down -16

whats black and has many friends? a kind sociable black person

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, speaking to a bird would have been considered highly irregular, bordering on insane. He left the bird alone, until the time came to slaughter the bird and take it's nutritious meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's hard and orange on the outside, and squidgy in the middle? A tanned man's head

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why did the Mexican shoot himself? because his wife miscarried, hung herself, and his oldest brother had cancer. also when he was 5, his parents died in a car accident, leaving his abusive uncle to care for him. he also had erectile dysfunction which caused him severe pain. did i mention he was an illegal, homeless immigrant who was addicted to methamphedimine and owed several million dollars to a man who repeatedly raped him anally? he was.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Knock Knock Who's there? It is actually not a good idea to say "who's there" to the random person outside. The man could be a robber or a murderer, and will realize a person is inside. He could bomb the door down and do anything to kill you. You should look through the window first, or through the little peep hole. If the person outside is an acquaintance, then you can respond. However it is best to not reply and leave the stranger alone. Safety is key to living a happy joyful life.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q. How many Jews can you fit in a blender ? A. 37 but you can try and prove me wrong

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops