your mother is so fat that her doctor advised her to stick to a strict diet and exercise routine to help her lose weight

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HOLY SHIT, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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Straight man: Gays can't have babies so they shouldn't be allowed to have sex. Gay man: But you got a vasectomy last year, so you can't make babies either. The straight man sees the irony, realizes how judgmental he has been and never has sex again because he maintains his opinion that gays shouldn't have sex.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? God bless you.

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What's the difference between 31 dead hookers and a Lamborghini? One is a traumatizing tragedy that left at least 31 poor families mourning for their loved ones, whom were only trying to make a living in what is a terrible economy and were unable find a better job, and the other is an overpriced sports car.

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Why don't jews believe in Jesus Because jews believe Jesus Christ was not their savior

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What looks like donuts but stinks of shit. Sean Big Macs socks

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Why did the girl fall off her bike? I threw a ball at her.

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Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know chickens are absent minded creatures that can aimlessly walk around.

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balls

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How do you get 100 Africans in a phone box? Throw a can of beans in there.

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It was Valentines Day today, I thought I should get her something... I brought flowers to her grave.

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What do you call a white hankerchief dipped into the red sea? Wet.

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69- by Adam Chebali

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roses are red violets are blue some poems rhyme others don't.

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Why did the whale rape a guy? He wanted to see what would happen.

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Why did Jimmy never like old people? Because he was abused as a child by one.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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What did Helen Keller say when she got raped? Stop raping me.

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Why is Kony so mean? He used to date your mom.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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how do u get a bonar? u look at your mum!!

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What did one umbrella say to the other umbrella? Nothing, umbrellas cannot instigate a conversation, because they cannot talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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