wounds are red bruises are blue I've got five fingers the middle ones for you

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Suzie.

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What did the cashier say to the blonde? That will be $5.39, would you like a receipt?

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hi anti joke

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Two peanuts walked into a bar one was as'salted'

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What's good? Anything that is not bad.

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Pain Olympics.

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Whats the similairity between a dog and a cat? They're both cats, except for the dog.

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Knock Knock Who's there? 9/11

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So one time there was this woman learning...

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OMG this actually works! 1. Hold your breath for 5 minutes 2. Die

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A woman fell victim to nasty car accident. Her injuries were very grave. The doctors warned her family that she had two hours to live. She died two hours later.

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Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Knock knock Who's there No one We are all on the computer

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Why did Ian die Because I shot him with a gun

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Whats white, black, and red all over? A penguin on fire

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how do you rube out a circle? don't draw one

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Why did the blonde blow up? She ate a bomb.

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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more chocolate?

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it's goal was to get to the other side however unfortunately a giant gorilla picked up a car; threw it at a nearby building causing it to collapse; setting off a massive explosion causing all of the buildings on that side of the street to collapse. As the whole other side of the street was covered in rubble making it impossible for the chicken to get to the other side, so the chicken decided to turn around and go home.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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