JOHN to MARY: Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet So are you MARY to JOHN: Roses are red Violets are blue Who are you? JOHN to MARY: Roses are red I'm your husband MARY to JOHN: No! JOHN to MARY: WHAT??? MARY to JOHN: Ex Awkward silence. Mary moves out the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Remember when the new jokes on this sight actually used to be funny?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you get your clock to stop ticking? Hit it with a sledge hammer.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why'd the chicken cross the road? Because the light was green.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

69

thumb_up thumb_down -6

wounds are red bruises are blue I've got five fingers the middle ones for you

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why are black people so good at basketball because they can jump shoot and steel

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

If i wanted your 2 cents i'd rob you

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Whats red and bad for your teeth? Bricks

thumb_up thumb_down -6

There are two lawyers about to enter a court room. They look at each other shake their hands and then the defending lawyer smiles and says "I'm Jewish your f*cked"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Do your parents know you're gay?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why are you so gay? Because I am unequivocally attracted to the same sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

no pun intended

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did captain hook die? He wiped asss

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Two black men and a latino board a plane together. They are members of the Marshall High School football team, and all die in the subsequent crash.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses Are Red Violits Are Blue Screw it RUN!!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the clam say to the scuba diver? FUCK MAN! STOP TOUCHING MY JEWELS! WOULD YOU WANT ME TO JUST RIP YOURS AND TAKE THEM WITH ME!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Fill in the _________ Ans: Cup Posted By: Lram

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Pain Olympics.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops