What did King Tut say when he got scared? How would I know? It was over a thousand years ago.

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How much seamen does a gay guy have??? A whole butt load.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? a new bike.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks why the long face? the horse, incapable of understanding any human dialect, promptly shits on the floor and leaves

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What would Walt Disney be if he were still alive today? Still anti-semetic

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Why does Charlie Sheen do cocaine? Because his father was a poor role model and he's an unstable celebrity.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are simple-minded creatures and perhaps there was some source of food on the other side.

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Alice? Childhood Alice? I did not recognize you! Its so nice to hear from you again! I would not worry too much about Nero`s shouting at night dear friend, while he has overcome a lot, he suffers from nightmares and nightterrors, its not pain, not physical at least, please do not tell him I told you, he prefers sparing people the details. Should I type as If I am typing to Nero? Sorry, I am just a bit flustered, Nero has never been the romantic type, not towards me at least... I know the "official chatting hours are over, but can I ask you or rather him to stay on a bit longer?"

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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How many Spanish people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Uno

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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What do you call a person that is green, wearing plaid, and standing next to you in the elevator? What ever their name is

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Why did peter fall off his bike? Because Peter is a goldfish.

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Q: What's green and goes through walls? A: A pickle, you just have to throw it really hard.

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Why did the man go to the hospital Because he was hurt

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A- knock knock B- whose there? A- Chuck Norris B- chuck norris who? A- are you retarded?

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What did the man say to the woman? get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Mike. Oh, come in.

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watch me nae nae

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Guess what? What. This joke isn't funny

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Roses are red Violets are blue I don't like to rhyme Microwave.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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