There was once a man who went to the store and walked across a bridge and bought toothpaste and yelled at a hobo and went home and took a nap and then he went back to the park where he talked to an english teacher who told him not to use run-on sentences or she would slap him with a fish.

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You know what's interesting about Polish people? Nothing.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Actually it is,how may i help you?

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Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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if your paddling a backwards canoe up a waterfall and it loses its wheel, how many pancakes does it take to fill a dog house? the answer is 17 because aliens are allgeric to cows and mustard.

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What do you have Canasta!!! Were not playing canasta you stupid asshole

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HURT

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What's the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color.

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People spending hours typing nothing but cus words? Who does that?

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There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They all had different colors of hair.

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Why does Billy hate waiting in line? Because he's impatient.

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a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z i left out p.

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whats long, hard, and full of semen? A submarine

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Why are tests such a pain in the ass? Because your vomiting shit you'd learned the night before.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was a free-range chicken

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How do you find out if your son is ok? Ask him.

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Why was the boy crying? Because his dad comes home drunk every night and beats him.

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What did the white teen say to the black man? Sup nigga. What then followed? A savage beating at which the teen did not survive.

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What do you call an asian pilot? A pilot you racist bastard

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How to confuse a dumbass: see previous post.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

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A father was driving with his son. The Son asked " have you been in a car accident in the past 10 years"? The father replys " did you know you HAD 4 siblings"?

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Why did the terminal cancer patient die? Because he fell of the stairs with his wheelchair.

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Why is John single? Because women are materialistic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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