what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

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yo mama has one big titty and one small titty and the call the bitch paul

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Why did the clown drink all the sweet wine? Because he was an alcoholic.

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A white man, a black man, and a Hispanic man are in car, who is driving? The black man, it's his car.

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Which is the rarest animal in the North pole? The Polaroid.

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Q-What do you call a woman in the kitchen? A- A woman making me a damn sammich thats what.

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Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory because she kept throwing away the w's

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Why did the Smartie get fired from the M&M factory? For throwing out all the W&Ws

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An Icelandic boy hangs himself because of peer pressure. His family mourns for their loss

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Whats black white and red all over? A decapitated panda.

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Q: Why did the black man break into the house? A: Because he was poor and couldn't afford his daughters cancer treatment.

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I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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What has two arms and two legs? A human being.

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I'm on a seafood diet. It consists of prawns and tuna.

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You will not press the like button.

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Q:Why did the old man die? A:Because he had Cancer in his hole body.

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What did the black man do when his car was rear-ended? He exchanged insurance information with the other driver.

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What did the paper say to the pen? Nothing, they are inanimate objects!

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Why did your ears get blasted with sound? You never turned the volume down..

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Q: What's brown and looks like a weasel? A: A weasel.

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What is the difference between a woman and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is the most common term for adult females of the human race.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to his mother's funeral.

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A bus with 11 passengers is making its final stops for the night. At main street it drops of 6 people and picks up 2, at broad it drops of 3 and picks up 4, at 3rd street it drops of 5 and picks up 1, and finally at 6th street it drops off 4 and picks up 0. How many people are still on the bus? 13 if you include the dead bodies in the back

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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